WARNING: WE MANUFACTURE ONLY THE ATTRACTIVE DESIGNER CASE. THE ACTUAL WORKING CENTRAL PARTS OF THE DEVICE ARE MANUFACTURED IN JAPAN. THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE TRANSLATED BY MRS. SHIRLEY PELTWATER OF ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE, WHO HAS NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN TO JAPAN BUT DOES HAVE MOST OF "SHOGUN" ON TAPE.
WARNING: IT MAY BE A VIOLATION OF SOME LAW THAT MRS. SHIRLEY PELTWATER HAS "SHOGUN" ON TAPE.
Un caine se rataceste prin jungla. Plimbandu-se el linistit vede un tigru indreptandu-se in goana spre el, cu intentia clara sa-l manince.
Cainele se gindeste "Vere, am incurcat-o! Asta ma haleste!" Dar imediat vede niste oase pe jos. Se aseaza pe burta si incepe sa roada oasele, cu spatele la tigru. Chiar inainte ca tigrul sa sara, cainele exclama satisfacut, frecindu-se pe burta:
"Mmmm, delicios tigru! Oare or mai fi si altii p'aici?"
Auzind, tigrul se opreste din salt si infricosat se prelinge pe linga copaci, luand distanta:
"A fost cat p'aci! Cainele aproape ca m-a dat gata!"
O maimuta care a urmarit scena dintr-un copac, sperind sa se puna bine cu tigrul, fuge dupa acesta ca sa-i povesteasca inselatoria.
Cainele nostru o vede. Maimuta il ajunge pe tigru, si-i spune pe fata toata tarasenia. Tigrul, inecat de furie zice:
"Urca in spinarea mea si vei vedea ce ii voi face nemernicului de caine!"
Acum cainele vede tigrul cu maimuta in carca si se gindeste
"Ei, cum o mai scot la capat de data asta?"
Dar in loc sa fuga se intoarce cu spatele la atacatori prefacindu-se ca nu i-a vazut. Si... cin! d acestia au fost destul de aproape zice
"Unde palaria mea e maimuta aia?! De juma de ora am trimis-o sa-mi aduca un tigru si nici acu nu s-a intors!!!"
The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
"Did he kill you?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
Q: "She had three children, right?"
Q: "How many were boys?"
Q: "Were there any girls?"
Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."
Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Saddam Hussein il suna pe Bush in 11 septembrie, imediat dupa atac: Saddam: - Domnule presedinte, doresc sa imi exprim condoleantele pentru tragedia suferita… atat de multi oameni... niste cladiri atat de frumoase... Doresc sa va asigur ca nu avem nici o legatura cu ce s-a intamplat. Nu am fost noi! Bush: - Care cladiri? Care oameni? Despre ce vorbesti? Saddam: Aaa… pai cat e ceasul acum in America? Bush: E 8 dimineata! Saddam: Ooooops! Scuze, revin intr-o ora...